From The Roe Valley News Browser on-line

Return to news index

The Silly Sign Collection

The Roe Valley is full of delightful human artifacts which aim to inform but often do exactly the opposite. The collection below has appeared in the News Browser over the years and there is no doubt that - considering the amount of local talent available - it will grow and grow. If you click on the date above the article you will be linked to the original.

 

Mind you, the view is as spectacular as ever it was.

Tourist signs Limavady is plagued by people who think that a beauty spot is not complete unless it has a few silly signs warning people not to enjoy themselves. This unfortunate tendency has reached rock bottom on top of Benevenagh mountain. Your intrepid reporter came across the humorous sign shown on the left. Not only is it totally unnecessary as only a blind man would try and walk straight down to Magilligan from that particular spot, it is also completely wrong as the cliff is at least 300 yards away. Could it be that this lack of vision is really one of education?

June 2000

Another sign This paper has often drawn the attention of its readership to some of the marvellous notices that seem to sprout out of the ground all over the town, usually forbidding something enjoyable. Here is another astonishing example. This one is from the top end of the Country Park. Not only does it display the true artistic skills of a master calligrapher, but it also manages to impress the viewer with the graphic reality of just why the path is closed.

January 2001

Limavady - Adoption Capital of the World?   At the moment the national news is full of stories about buying children for adoption over the internet and the media are making a fortune writing about this. Very few people know that Limavady is way ahead of the American competition in this area of human endeavour. Witness this sign outside at least one shop in Main Street today. Not only does the company give the children away for no payment whatever, but the brats - who seem to be trained falconers - even come with a guarantee. How do you guarantee a child who likes to play with birds of prey?

February 2001

Bus Stations and Building Works   Regular readers of this notorious publication will know that we never cease to point out new attractions and the colourful signs that draw attention to them. The new installation on the left, which graphically points the way to the nearest bus station, seems to be part of the road widening scheme at the bottom of the town, near the Shenandoah bar. It is rumoured that tourists who wish to take the bus will be issued with free shovels, locals must bring their own or apply in triplicate to the town council.

April 2001

Stating the obvious   Regular readers of the News Browser know that the editor has a weakness for curious signs and notices. Well, here's another one. This wooden example of the human urge to inform, has grown up in the Country Park. It is very useful indeed and any passing tourist that is under the illusion that the glittering thing 20 yards away is some North American grassland under a burning sun and the accompanying noise the thunder of countless buffalo hooves, will instantly realize that the object is in fact a nameless river. Let us just hope that they didn't cut the tree down just to make a sign.

June 2001

Mystery of missing Limavady Summer finally solved!   People in Limavady often complain about the weather. This is done for entirely justifiable reasons. Often we complain about the rain - if there isn't too much of it there is too little - but the complaint one hears most often is: "Where has the Summer gone? We haven't had a Summer at all this year". The News Browser's star reporter has finally solved the problem when he stumbled across the sign on the right. How can there be a Summer if shops sell it the year before it is due? Presumably high powered holiday firm executives from Italy and Spain come to Limavady every year and buy our Summer - at a discount - and the rest of us have to make do with what is left over.

October 2001

Honour amongst Thieves   The well known object on the left is a traffic cone. Currently quite a common object in Limavady. There are cones and there are cones, but this one is A CONE - ie it belongs to the Limavady police. Observant readers will spot the rather sloppy alteration at the top of the cone spelling out 'LIM' for Limavady. It occurred to our reporter that the only ones likely to steal a lot of official police traffic cones are members of another police force - say from the Coleraine direction. Why else go to the trouble to write 'LIM' on every one of them? Unless of course an unfortunate young copper had to write 'LIM' five hundred times as a form of punishment.

November 2001

The Path to Health?   Signs like the one on the right have appeared in the centre of town. They appear to be an x-ray photograph showing a person of any sex suffering from a greatly enlarged heart. There are two schools of thought as to what this is all about: The town centre is soon going to be jammed by flocks of hurrying joggers. It is a graphic warning to the population at large showing what can happen to you if you walk too much.

 

March 2002

 

What are they trying to tell us?   Here is another one of these strange signs that you can find all over the valley. The location is Market Street and the place is clearly open, because you can see all the way up to Irish Green Street. The half building on the right side of the road behind the blue barrier is what is left of Alastair Smyth's old supermarket. But why go to the bother to paint a thumping great big lie onto the barrier?

Where to turn to next??!! Regular readers of this pathetic publication will know that our editor is always on the lookout for the many signs around the Roe Valley which, because they have been written and erected by very busy people, do not inform, but, depending on personal inclination, either confuse or delight the surprised passer-by. Our picture was taken outside the Chinese takeaway, the one between Brian Brown's solicitorium and the Limetree restaurant. The owners of the place are removing the chimney and have hired a huge crane to do the job. A big barrier blocks the footpath and the red sign with the two arrows gives the astonished pedestrian two alternatives. One is quite clear. Follow the right arrow and take your chances with desperate drivers trying to cram their cars into the very narrow parking spaces behind the bus stop. However, the drivers tend to concentrate on the precious paint work of their vehicles and might not see a mere pedestrian. So this choice could be deadly. Trusting souls who follow the arrow pointing to the left will probably escape with their lives, but instead have three choices: They can run smack into the wall. (This could be painful). They can walk through either one of the two open doors and say hello to whoever happens to be at home. (This could be dangerous). They can climb through the window into the solicitor's office and take out a summons enforcing sane signs. (This could be expensive).

May 2002

New Chinese Restaurant and Shopping Mall Limavady has a new Chinese restaurant. We can't say how good it is because we haven't tried it yet, but the upstairs tables look very nice through the windows. The place is easy to find because it is just down the road from "Super Valu" and opposite from "PETS R US". Part of the new building is a shopping mall and one of the first places to open there is called "U 2 can craft". Rumours that the Tech is going to run a night class in one of the empty units called "U 2 can learn 2 zpell rite" are totally unfounded.

 

October 2003

The Windyhill Rabout There has been a lot of round-about activity recently. Work on the bypass had been proceeding at a rather leisurely pace when one day all the stops were pulled so suddenly, one could hear the pop. So many machines running around in so many circles driven by so many men doing so much overtime were never seen in the long history of Roe Valley road obstruction construction until now. The builders were obviously trying to meet a deadline because they quietly opened the bypass on Wednesday the 24th of September even though they hadn't finished the job yet. For a while there were more JCBs and other road building paraphernalia than cars on the last stretch of the road. The rabout had no white lines and occasionally one had to drive around it in an anti clockwise direction. Since that busy day work has slowed down again - the official visitors must have left. Hastily drawn white road markings have disappeared under new layers of macadam and it will obviously take quite a few more days to finish this final rather rakish rabout. Hopefully they'll leave the roadsign as it is.

Spot the difference   May we ask our esteemed readers to compare these two recent signs. The right one can be found in Catherine Street and the other one disgraces Irish Green Street. If you concentrate your efforts on the brown section pointing out the Country Park and the biggest local hotel you may just notice a discrepancy. The missing 's' was (or possibly wasn't) spotted by our famous spell-checker Meg, who can detect any spelling mistake blindfolded at 100 yards.

December 2003

Panicking exits   Stress, fatigue and needless worry are common illnesses around this time of the year: what with the weather, the lack of lengthy daylight and the annual Christmas-carry-on trying to drive us all mad. The seriousness of this problem cannot be truly appreciated until one visits Tesco's supermarket where even the doors seem to have a hard time coping. Our editor tried to calm this one down but to no avail, it remained highly alarmed just the same. If even the doors can't cope, what hope is there for the rest of us?

 

August 2004

 

Nourishment   As many readers will know, we are always studying the many informative signs which grace our lovely town. We simply couldn't resist this one, which we spotted on upper Main Street. In this day and age all fast food restaurants seem to offer the same dull menu. So it is refreshing to learn that Limavady is one of the few places on this planet where you can still buy an honest to goodness, juicy soup sandwich. Bring your own napkin. And make it a large one!

 

July 2005

 

What is one supposed to do? Regular readers of this wondrous publication will be aware that we are constantly on the lookout for silly signs - with which the Roe Valley is rather generously endowed. Our spellchecker Meg noticed this small but witty example near the junction of Catherine Street and Linenhall Street. For readers who can't find their spectacles we have provided an enlarged cutout of the notice in question. The red hand points to the original. Anyone even vaguely familiar with the highway code will know that this sign informs the obedient motorist that he must not stop his car here at any time. The problem is of course: What is one to do when the traffic light is red? Does one ignore the red light so as not to wait or does one wait and hence break the no waiting rule? The driver who was parked here a tenth of a second ago obviously made his choice and jumped the light. What would you have done?

 

August 2005

 

Who serves lemonade like this?   Our readership will know that we have a passion for well-meaning signs that convey a confusing message. The photograph shows part of the label from a bottle of lemonade bought in a large local supermarket. It is a very good label and the lemonade is excellent. May we draw your attention to the writing on the right of the picture. Serving suggestion? May we suggest that anyone who serves a glass of lemonade like this is either completely drunk, very angry, in mid-tumble, or all of the above.

 

February 2006

 

The price of petrol   In these days of ever-rising fuel prices it is heart warming to know that there are some people out there who really care! Take Costcutters for instance who seem to have decided to live up to their name in a big way. 0.9 of a penny for a litre of unleaded petrol really is a very decent price and should ensure queues of customers from Derry to Coleraine once the word spreads. The range - it must be said - is slightly limited and it is not clear whether they have run out of diesel or if they are giving the stuff away for free. But then - at these prices, who cares?

 

May 2006

Is this a silly sign?     Regular readers of the RVNB will be familiar with our famous collection of silly signs. For some strange reason the Roe Valley is overflowing with these delightful objects. Today's candidate for our collection demonstrates the point that it is often not the contents that make a sign silly - but careless positioning can certainly add an extra dimension.

 

June 2006

 

Know your greens and blacks     This strange looking yoghurt container was recently purchased in a local supermarket. After pondering the matter for a while we came up with the following possible explanations: Due to global warming all fruits and vegetables have changed their shape or colour - possibly both. All plants on the planet have recently been re-classified and the Newsbrowser wasn't told. There is an educational abnormality in Tesco's yoghurt department. However, this page proves that they are not alone.

 

July 2006

 

The Leighery Road - or is it the Leighry Road?   The pictures on the right show our editor doing some basic research in local road names. The first shows him on the bottom of the Leighery Road and the second at the top of the same traffic artery where it joins the Bishops Road high up on Benevenagh. As has been said during our disastrous drive through the valley, this must be the only road in Ulster that is so steep, it has to shed an E to get up there.

 

March 2007

 

A bit of a joke?   Seasoned readers of this amazing publication will know that our editor is always on the lookout for informative signs which - for one reason or another (or possibly both) - somehow manage to miss the point entirely. Occasionally the joke becomes apparent only when two cleverly designed notices are placed side by side. Apart from showing how pointless it is for architects to design shops with large windows, this month's example is a case in point. We can only come to the following conclusions: Either: The horse shop sells everything you need for your mount except bits - you have to go next door for one of those. Or: As soon as you buy a bit in one shop, you can sell it in the other shop for a fat profit. Possibly: They did this deliberately in order to get into the NewsBrowser.

 

April 2007

 

Don't read this!   Regular readers of this ageing publication will know that our editor is very fond of certain signs which - in one way or another - give the astonished public advice which it is often best to ignore. This particular classic of the genre was donated by two eagle-eyed readers. Many thanks to both of you. We cannot quite figure out what the owner of this wonderful sign is trying to achieve. If reading papers is forbidden, why go to the bother of trying to sell them all? Have local papers become so dangerous, that they have to have a health warning? Are they perhaps selling papers for use only by interior decorators - in which case why sell more than one reasonably absorbing edition? We hear that certain customers have to hand in their spectacles on entering the shop to make absolutely certain that they obey the rules. These poor people find themselves in a double fix of course, because without their glasses they can't read that wonderful sign! As our readers said: Only in Limavady!

 

July 2007

 

Mystery of missing 'E' solved   No doubt many readers who followed our report about the mysteriously missing 'E' in the sign for the Leighry Road have thought that the missing little devil just sort of disappeared into thin air, never to be seen again. Nothing could be further from the truth. Thanks to an eagle-eyed reader (much obliged, Jude) it has been firmly established that the missing letter has attached itself to the sign at the upper 'Moys Road'. There is a wonderful view over Benevenagh and Lough Foyle from that place, so we advise our readers not to read yon sign for too long! What is it with the road service and the 'E' anyway? The lower and the upper Moys(e) Road

 

February 2008

The mind boggles   Regular readers will be familiar with our world famous collection of silly signs. It is indeed wonderful just how many of these delightful objects can be found in the Roe Valley. However, for this one we had to travel as far away as the outskirts of Coleraine, where we spotted it prominently displayed in Sainsbury's store. The question is of course: What precisely is Sainsbury's idea of good entertainment - and why does it take as many as 15 rolls?!

May 2008

Area of outstanding natural beauty Large signs like this one in Aghanloo have appeared in various places proclaiming the  fact that the lucky reader is in an 'Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty'. The authorities are to be congratulated for having finally noticed something that locals have known for many, many years! This particular sign shows the mountain Benevenagh (spelled with an 'i'), dwarfed by an unnaturally large Mussenden Temple which seems to have slid down to sea-level, where it is being attacked by two giant waves. What easily-frightened tourists will make of all this is anyone's guess. We can only refer them to our realistic Scenic drive  through the Roe Valley - which at least tries to explain the size of yon waves!

August 2008

The Limavady slave trade? Regular readers will be aware that our editor can never resist a well designed, informative bit of sign posting. Most people will agree that modern day slavery is a bad thing - but we feel that to sell them off at half price, really adds insult to injury. For aficionados of the genre we offer a link to the rest of the collection. The Silly Sign Collection

September 2008

This way to the recreation ground? This particular example of the urban planners' desire to inform can be found at the Derry entrance to Limavady. We have puzzled over the meaning of this strange sign and have come up with the following possible explanations: The recreation ground has been moved into the garden of the orange hall but is only open to people from the southern hemisphere. This is a trap for unwary tourists and a hidden camera is waiting to record the sign swinging to the right: clobbering all passers by as they come. The sign is ready to fall - and somebody should really be told to fix it! The Silly Sign Collection

Back to the start